DIY Gone Bad

Update: I first published this post in April 2012. And now that I do the math, I was 2 weeks pregnant with my first born daughter. I hope I've not lost all the silliness. :-) :-)

There once were two little bears. Though they liked each other very much, the cubs were both very competitive and selfish.

One day as they were playing in the ice, they found a big, juicy fruit. The only problem was that each wanted to have the fruit by himself. They therefore argued over who was entitled to the fruit until a fox came to their rescue.

‘How about you share the fruit?’ he suggested to them.

And they liked the idea.

So the fox split the fruit into two but when he was about to give it to them, he realized that one half was bigger than the other. Again, the bears started fighting over who’d get the bigger share.

But the cunning fox had a solution. He told them that he’d make the pieces equal by biting a tiny piece from the bigger fruit. And he did! But his bite was a little too big, making the remaining piece smaller than the initially smaller piece.

Again, the cubs started fighting and the fox offered to help one more time….

Long story short, the fox ate the entire fruit long before the stupid cubs even realized what was going on.

You’d think that am smarter than the cubs. Well, you’re wrong!

It all started like a month ago, I was in the salon consulting my hair dresser. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately, since I realized that I know so little about hair. I didn’t know that treating hair with ‘protein’ makes it stronger, or that hair frizzes at times, or that hair needs to be moisturized! Who’d have thought?

Well, so I’m there explaining to him how I don’t like plaiting hair for I really hate un-doing it, and he suggests something I had not thought of. ‘Why don’t you put on a weave for a few weeks?’

It sounded like a very intelligent idea, but I’ve heard that guys don’t like synthetic hair. I therefore asked boyfriend whether he’d mind me trying out the look. He told me that he’d be okay as long as the weave was not shiny.

I shopped for the weave in advance. For an average lady, it was averagely priced. But not for me, I felt like it had cost me an arm and three toes. But not to worry, I was changing my look and looking good is all that mattered.

And that’s how Easter’s Sunday found me in the salon having my brand new hair fixed. The expensive 'human' hair did not disappoint. By the time I was back in the house, I looked like a million
hundred bucks.

My hair had never been so long and beautiful and I kept telling anyone who cared to listen boyfriend just that. It’s not like I wanted to brag or anything, but the hair just found ways of coming up in every conversation; and I just could not help it.

We’d be watching the weather forecast and I’d go like, ‘You just don’t know how hard it is to have long hair on a windy day, it keeps covering your face….’

Or I’d see a detergent advert on telly and I’d be like, ‘I don’t know how I’ll be washing my clothes. You know when you have hair as long as mine, but never mind… you wouldn’t get it; yours is short.’

This went on like this the entire evening. I would tell boyfriend how awesome it is to have beautiful hair, and then I would look at myself in the mirror, then comb it , and then I’d look at it in the mirror before talking about it some more.

Those who know me well will tell you that I have very itchy fingers that just want to fix things. There's a medical term for that, itchiosis or fixialism, am not so sure. It's basically a condition where your brain convinces your fingers that they can fix anything. And I mean, anything. (But don't quote me.) This will explain what happened next...

After trying all the styles I could think of, a thought struck my mind, ‘How about I cut it a little, and I’ll have a new style altogether.’

You have to understand that this was the very day that the hair had been made. Seeing the devilish smile on my face, boyfriend immediately knew what was going on in my mind. And the poor guy tried to stop me, ‘Look, don’t do anything tragic, I really like this look. So just keep it for the next two weeks and after that, you can cut it and have a different look. But don’t do it yourself, let the hair dresser do it. ’

And in my head I was thinking, ‘What does he know about hair?’ As it turned out, he knew more than I did!

The following day was Easter Monday and I was not going to work.  Bored from all the hair talk, I think, boyfriend left for the gym in the morning. I had the house hair to myself and the whole day to decide what I would do with it. I therefore tried several styles and in the end, I came to the realization that I had been right the day before. The hair did need to be trimmed a little.

And trimming I did!

It was easy; I just held it into a ponytail, reached behind my head and propelled the scissors into action. When I was done, I took the mirror, closed my eyes and opened them slowly hoping to see a perfectly dressed head staring back at me. What I saw almost made me scream…



I turned the mirror round and round looking for the ‘undo’ button but I could not find it. All I saw was this…

This time my eyes popped out!


Realizing that I could not ‘Ctrl Z’, I took my phone and made a call to boyfriend, ‘I just did something stupid,’ I told him, explaining what I'd just done. I was close to tears at this point.

He told me to not do a thing; he’d come and fix my mess. Again, I should have listened.

The following is a demonstration of what happened next…



I could see that I was on the right path, now if I could just trim it a little on the left... And I did.



What the ...? Anyway, no need to panic. You can still rock this look Cess. You just need to relax. Breath in, out. In, out. Now cut on the right side...



After this, I knew that it was time to just give up :-(

And that is how I managed to ruin my most expensive hairdo in less than 16 hrs!

19 comments:

  1. Cess I suggest your try a clean shave, there will be nothing itchy about it and its only going to cost 50shillings at max, you can never go wrong with that. :)

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  2. Very funny Mr. mwendwa. Maybe when the sun comes up again. :-)

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  3. haha!! welcome to the world, I cut my hair, after a haircut, now my hair is less than a cm long at some places. at least yours was a weave...

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  4. Hehehe.... J, you cut your real hair?? That is worse in so many ways! Pole sana my dear.

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  5. I wanna cut my hair so I can grow dreadlocks.

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  6. Dreadlocks? Good luck with that. I love them but I like change too much to be stuck with dreadlocks forever. :-( Tell me how it goes.

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  7. "Realizing that I could not ‘Ctrl Z’" LOL!

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  8. Ghafla!Guy, Sad day it was. No laughing matter I tell u. lol

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  9. Those pics created this vivid image in my mind, I couldn't stop laughing!(sorry). Btw, did boyfriend fix your 'situation'?hehe

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  10. Itchiosis at its best....waaaaa!!Si u come fix my kitchen basi.....;-)

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  11. Kimani, Boyfriend was a little too late. The hair was all gone by the time he got back. And it's ok to laugh. :-) When I'm not thinking about the money I lost, I find it a little funny.

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  12. Challenge accepted. When and where? Terms and conditions apply... ;-)

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  13. U are very funny!!!cant stop laughing...

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  14. Lol! Unfortunately I can relate very well. Mine was those lines that have braids coming out (you need to think a minute to get the visual image). On other people it looks very nice. I tried it then ended up cutting it and in the end I looked like the top of a pineapple!

    Pole!

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  15. What is wrong with shiney weave?
    I bet that if you had left your hair in 'that' state and took to the streets, people would copy and term it 'fashion'... :-)

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  16. I've just pictured what you were left with and now feels that your experience was way much worse. hehe

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